Fat Guy BJJ Blog

The slightly sarcastic, nominally entertaining Brazilian Jiu Jitsu adventures of a 30-something Dad


Fun Friday

I Never Lose. I Win Or I Learn, and Other Myths

I know what you’re trying to say, but that’s a load of mystical chode-munching horse shit! What if you go out, roll, get destroyed by a vicious triangle choke, and the only thing you learned was that you do not in fact like the smell of male testicles? If we learned every time we got spanked by a higher belt, pretty soon there would be no more spankings. And yet, the ass whippings continue.  The truth is that it takes 378 times of being smoked by the same move before you catch on.  I think muhfuckers are overestimating their aptitude for learning Jiu Jitsu.  Sometimes you just get flogged like Pee Wee Herman’s palm dolphin and there’s nothing you can take away from it, except humility, which may actually be a benefit depending upon how much of a douche you are currently.

How about this for realism: “I frequently lose.  I sometimes learn, depending upon whether or not the higher belt who just yanked my spleen out is feeling magnanimous.” That’s how shit really goes in Jiu Jitsu.  If you’re nice to others, don’t piss anybody off, and have cool higher belts around you, you probably learn more than you lose.  But there’s still no way to classify yourself as ‘not losing’ when they choke you hard enough that you actually snort, or when they body triangle you and you get that wet fart slipping out.  You know what I’m talking about.  Don’t play. Poopie undies always equals FAIL.

Sorry for the rant.  Sometimes you zen mother fuckers make me lose my shit with your whole ‘The world is cuddly puppies and double rainbows’ routine.  No, sometimes the world is a smaller man with a dirty gi strangling you in close proximity to his nut sack.  It’s not a fucking win.  At least not always.  In some places it’s a mating ritual.  Better be ready for that, bitches.

I digress.  Rants are fun.


Fun Friday

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