Josh Tuttle, a Blue Belt from small town Georgia, has just astonished the grappling world by winning the Absolute division world championship. When asked how he accomplished this alarming feat, he admitted it was mostly about feet.
“Man, honestly I don’t know how I did it. I just like feet. I like to look at them and hug them. I was on the mats one day and my compulsion got the best of me. I saw a dude with nicely painted toes and I said to myself, ‘Self, you need to hug that foot immediately.” So I did. He didn’t know what to do, so he just tapped out. I knew right away I was on to something.”
Tuttle went on an inspiring tournament run after that day, becoming hailed as a ‘leg lock king’ in the process. Others disagree on the legitimacy of Tuttle’s claim to greatness.
“He’s not actually doing anything,” explained one black belt. “He’s just a horny kid that likes feet. It’s just nobody knows how to escape leg locks so they think they’re in trouble.”
Whatever the reason, Tuttle reigns supreme until next year. But there’s competition on the horizon already. One up-and-comer is winning tournament matches by the score using his secret technique: the nipple twister. Another has just run through the advanced division at ADCC utilizing his patented “wet willy back attack.” One thing is for sure; the highly competitive sport if Brazilian Jiu Jitsu will continue to evolve into the future.