(FGBJJN) Orlando, FL. A student at Orlando Top Team Brazilian Jiu Jitsu was hospitalized after a game of warmup dodgeball went horribly wrong on Tuesday, according to a police spokesman.
Jorge Kulimov, formerly of Orlando Sambo Federation, was the injured student. Kulimov had only recently been promoted to Brown belt by head instructor Hicardo Alcantara after a long career in Russian Sambo, and was reportedly unused to the BJJ warmup shenanigans which resulted in his injury.
“We don’t do fucking dodgeball in Sambo,” Kulimov was quoted as saying. “The only balls you dodge in Sambo are my balls, when I’m foot locking you from reverse mount.”
Alcantara was steadfast in his belief that Kulimov probably had it coming.
“He was always bitching about how soft BJJ schools are, about how we never do anything hard core, and about how we coddle our students. I decided to take the warm up dodgeball game up a notch and substituted in an 8 lb medicine ball. How’s that for hard core, Jorge?” Alcantara mused.
Kulimov remains in stable condition at the Orlando Regional Medical Center. Orlando Top Team is soliciting donations to cover the cost of the pool party to celebrate Kulimov’s demise.