Atlanta, GA. John Sanders, a local Brazilian Jiu Jitsu white belt, was busy sparring at the end of a particularly arduous class on Wednesday evening when the unthinkable happened. Sanders lost. And he learned nothing.
“I don’t even really know what happened,” Sanders offered. “I was just sitting there in this blue belt’s guard and, viola, I was choked. I didn’t see it coming. I’m not even totally sure what happened to be honest.”
The age old mantra of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioners worldwide has been “You win or you learn,” a lesson passed down from professor to student since time immemorial. Sander’s Professor, Juan Manicotta, declined to answer questions related to any specific incident, but did offer the following comment:
“Sometimes you don’t think you’re learning, but you are. Sometimes you think you’re unconscious from the choke, but really you are learning so much that your brain just has to shut down in order to process all of the wonders to which you’ve just been exposed. I had a guy shit his trousers once. He learned so much that the knowledge literally occupied all of the space in his body, and out came the poop. That was some good learning,” said Manicotta.
As for Sanders, as of press time he still had not solidified any sense of expanded knowledge. He intends to continue training, and has since begun recording his lessons into a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu journal, although he admits it’s mostly just doodles.
“I literally have no idea what the hell is going on,” Sanders said. “I mean, how am I supposed to write down what I’m learning if the only time I learn is when I’m unconscious?”