Delhi, India. Local purple belt, Vihaan Gupta, was relieved of duty as head instructor for the Gracie Delhi Kid’s Jiu Jitsu program today amidst accusations of impropriety. Several mothers walked in after venturing out for a Frappuccino to find their kids entangled together in a sweaty heap in the middle of the mats.
“There’s just no explanation for it,” cried one mother, obviously distraught. “They’re supposed to be learning how to become a killing machine, and instead they’re playing perverse American games? I’m offended. They could have at least played a Brazilian game with the kids like Queimado or Barra-bandeira. It is Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Duh.”
Gupta, for his part, insisted it was all a misunderstanding.
“Professor told me to ‘teach them the Twister.’ But I didn’t know the Twister, so I googled it, and this game was the first image I saw. It had kids. It looked legit.” Gupta lamented.
“Little Sanjay pulled his spleen muscle!” Exclaimed another anxious mother. “He had to be on the bottom because he spun first, but then he didn’t want to give up his back, and the other kid got ‘left foot blue’ and Sanjay just couldn’t handle it. He had to pull guard, but they were all tangled up!”
“It was awful,” Gupta exclaimed. “Little Ananya was strattled behind Aditya, and she was bending over him and reaching between his legs for that ‘right hand green.’ it looked… Oh fuck. I’m so fired.”
Head Instructor at Gracie Delhi, Professor Chadha, declined to comment except to say “I can’t believe this idiot used left over Holi powder to create the colored circles. That crap is never coming out of the mats. What an idiot.”