Recently, well…today, I read a post.  OK, I read the majority of a post, on Facebook, from a dude I highly respect, Professor Tom Deblass:


That shit is hilarious! He said balls!  But I digress…

Imagine his surprise when he learned that a Blue Belt can make his very own blog and pontificate to his heart’s content about anything under the sun, including Jiu Jitsu. What’s that?  Qualifications?  Surely a sweet beard is the only qualification I need:

sweet beard

Hot damn, now there’s a guy who knows everything about everything. And, to be honest, I’ve brought you some real gems.  See for yourself, and read a little snippet:

If Your BJJ Were An Animal, What Would It Be?

“Let’s not forget awkward bear pulling guard.  You could be in real danger if you wade into my guard, but you’re probably not going to, right?  Since I’d rather hibernate than chase you, I’m probably going to just end up sitting here like this until the beeper goes off and we change partners, at which time I will repeat the same scenario again.”

Top Tips For New Jiu Jitsu Competitors

 There were no mats to warm up on, which is probably a lot of fun and giggles for the little tiny ass featherweight guys.  But for the bigguns like myself, we need a minimum operating strip of runway to get this party started.  I can’t just walk out there and fight.  My neck, my back, and my spleen are now traumatized.”


“The Jiu Jitsu experience can’t be all nut sacks and heavy breathing.  We need some small victories as well, you know, to keep us going.”

And, of course…

The Wet Willy Turtle Break Video

Yeah, I’ll just leave those right there.  I even write Jiu Jitsu haiku:

I passed your guard once…
I wonder if it was real?
Fuck it.  Let’s eat.  Oss.

Now, given my level of literary prowess, I would think that my qualifications speak for themselves.  For anybody who thinks you need years and years of experience to pontificate…nay, bloviate, on a given topic, I’ve got two words for you….

Donald Trump.

I hereby offer the following course of action for people who don’t like reading BJJ articles from Blue Belts:


As a side note to Professor DeBlass, I’m joking.  Please don’t kill me. 🙂

Update: Shortly after publishing this article I was accosted by these people:


Stop laughing.  They’re tougher than they look. I heard they were from team Renzo Gracie, so I immediately hid my ankles, but in no time they had roughed me up properly.  Long story short, I’m allowed to write about Jiu Jitsu going forward, as long as I let them savagely edit proofread my articles.  Also, I’m not allowed to write about leg locks until I’m a brown belt, minimum.  And never, ever write about reaping the knee.  Got it. Now release my wife and kids, you savages.