Everybody has been talking about “Black Lives Matter” and “Blue Lives Matter” and what not, so I thought I’d piggy back on that trend and let you in on a little secret, gentle BJJ practioner:
White Belt lives matter, too.
The Jiu Jitsu experience can’t be all nut sacks and heavy breathing. We need some small victories as well, you know, to keep us going.
I hereby declare April 25th to be “Allow a White Belt to Pass Your Guard Day,” and you fuckers need to make it look authentic. Nobody wants a pity pass. Well, we do want a pity pass, but we want you to pretend like we earned it. Bastards.
And don’t be that shitbag that immediately reverses the position just because you can. With your shrimping and other superfluous bullshit…. Fat Guys need to rest for at least 15-20 seconds after passing the guard, so just lay there and take it. For the future.
And now, a Fat Guy BJJ Haiku:
I passed your guard once…
I wonder if it was real?
Fuck it. Let’s eat. Oss.