The following is a metaphor:

fish-jumps-on-boat-scares-fisherman-falls-off-ocean-13835061433

The fish is me, charging forward in an attempt to pass my master’s guard.  Or anybody above the rank of blue belt, really.  The boat is a loop choke.  Metaphor complete.

In other news, I’m opening our team to new recruits.  I haven’t spoken to my professor about it yet, or to the team, but I’m going to need to have a few people around that I can beat.  Please, only new white belts with no previous wrestling experience.  Athletic types need not apply.  In fact, if you’ve got an IQ lower than 110 you’re the perfect candidate. 

And finally, I’m now accepting donations for one of those clock beepy timer things that most gyms have.  You know, so you know when to switch partners.  The only thing worse than getting your ass kicked for a half hour is getting your ass kicked by the same person for a half hour with no breaks.  Yeah, fuckers.  That shit is not fat guy approved.  But I digress.  Happy Thursday.  And now, a Fat Guy Jiu Jitsu Haiku:

You smash me again

Biz-alls upon my forehead.

Vortex of ass funk.

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