So I learned a new judo move today. I’m pretty sure it’s called “Coupon For Some Sake,” but who really knows what the hell these judo kids are talking about anyway? The move involves gripping the sleeve and lapel of your opponent in a special way, and then doing a fucking river dance ensemble. Seriously, it’s like gay ass ballet meets super athletic combat sport. Wrap your mind around this progression of events: start in fifth position, then move to battlement tendu front before dropping into a plie (grand plie if you’re 6’4″ tall like me). All while gripping your opponent just so (I don’t know how to actually describe the correct technique because I apparently did it wrong 384 times in a row). Somehow, your opponent is supposed to fly past you and land on his head.
Now, you tell me why that’s easier to describe in ballet terms.
In other news, I have officially fit back into my blue gi. Nevermind the lapels look like a hotdog bun trying to hold a watermelon. It’s a fucking benchmark, bastards. I’m one step closer to being able to order a new gi that is not hand crafted by Persian tent makers. Maybe I’ll pick one with a slick design so I can be like the cool kids. Perhaps a new gi review coming in the next weeks.