Yesterday we drilled triangle chokes. I didn’t do well. It’s not that I don’t understand the mechanics of the choke. I do. It’s just that my body won’t perform the moves. It’s sort of frustrating. The first problem is that, for me, it’s really more of an octagon choke than a triangle choke. My legs are fat, so I’ve got some asymmetrical things happening there that make me look like I’m trying to open a canned ham with my knees. Secondly, my gut prevents me from being able to easily sit up and grab my shin to tighten the choke.
Of course, other instructor guy is walking around telling me how I’m doing it wrong in very small words, because being a white belt is the same thing as being a full-tard window licker. We might have to have a Jeopardy challenge or a long division contest or something so I can show mother fuckers that fat does not equal stupid, but I digress. In all fairness, my technique did look like a porn shoot outtake between a grizzly bear and a chihuahua, so I can see why he might think I’m KiKi the wondertard over here.
In other news, about 1000 mg of Motrin seems to have done the trick on the back spasms. I’m going to substitute that for a pipe and some meth next week because, hey, who doesn’t want to lose weight and kill pain at the same time?