So, I’ve been hitting the Jiu Jitsu pretty hard for the last ten days or so.  I’m trying to decode the mystery of ye olde blue belt slightly ahead of the 22.5 year time frame I’ve calculated over there in the right sidebar. In order to do that, I need more practice.  Which means I need more time on the mats.

OldManWithCaneThe problem with time on the mats is the aftermath.  I look like my normal, studly, svelt self, but I feel like this guy.  In fact, the more Jiu Jitsu I do, the worse it gets.  Yesterday I had full-on back spasms during Judo class.  We’ve already talked about my deep and abiding affinity for Judo, but trying to do it with a back spasm adds a whole new level of go-fuck-yourselfitude. Of course, the dudes that I train with think I’m a gigantic sandy vagina for sitting down until the spasm stopped.  And herein lies the problem.

You might see fat dudes in Jiu Jitsu because, frankly, Jiu Jistsu is a great way to lose some weight.  You might even see dudes in their mid 30’s strapping on a white belt and taking to the mats.  What you probably won’t see is a great deal of mid 30’s fat dudes.  Why? Because, dear reader, the mid 30’s fat dude has a body that is in full-on revolt against nature.  The mind says, “Yep, I can do that thing with the feet and the abdominal crunch and the pulling and the pushing simultaneously, no problem.”  But then, the body is like, “How would you like to go fuck yourself?”t625ad7_the-best-of-the-skeptical-3rd-world-kid-

And this is the frustrating conundrum of being that guy.  You want to train hard so you can make gains, but you hurt yourself every time you try.  Needless to say the super athletes be looking at you all like this:

“Oh, fatty needs a break huh?  We’re not even doing anything yet.” Exactly, dumb asses.  If I were going to skip out on some drills because I’m lazy, wouldn’t I wait until we were doing something hard?  Well, fear not super athletes.  I’m going to take about 900 mg of Motrin before tonight’s class, and we’re going to get it done.  Back spasm be damned.