Fat Guy BJJ Blog

The slightly sarcastic, nominally entertaining Brazilian Jiu Jitsu adventures of a 30-something Dad


March 2013

How the F do you spell Oompa? No Homo.

An Oompa, also known as the saber tooth tiger mating thrust, is one of these crazy Jiu Jitsu moves that we do when we find ourselves in a situation where we don’t exactly know what to do.  Along with the “shrimp,” which is an entirely different post of it’s own, it constitutes approximately 75% of the white belt’s repertoire.   It looks like this:


Except with another dude on top of you.  No homo.

Now, I have put some thought into this word and I have a couple of questions.  Is it spelled Oompa, or Umpa, or some other variation?  Is it a noun or a verb?  “I just did an Oompa,” or “I just got done Oompa-ing?” What would the plural form be?  If the plural of goose is geese, would the plural of Oompa be Eempa?  I’m so confused.

In other news, I accidentally listened to 9 hours of Lil Wayne on Spotify at work yesterday, so now I feel the need to append the phrase “No homo” to nearly everything Jiu Jitsu related.  So, get out there are roll on the mats with some dudes, no homo.



T-Rex Good. Pterodactyl bad.

When it comes to being on the bottom end of a Jiu Jitsu roll, there are a lot of things you have to remember.  Put your hand here, don’t put your foot there, turn your chin in this direction, stop weeping, remember to breathe, blah.  It goes on and on.  In a recent class the “quote of the day” was one which will forever simplify my bottom game:

“T-Rex good.  Pterodactyl bad.”

Nevermind the fact that using any dinosaur analogy at any time ratchets up the genius level of any conversation.  This is pure jiu jitsu magic.  Honestly, I pictured myself as a T-Rex with short little stubby arms, big protruding belly, weird balance, big head (if the shoe fits…), and all of a sudden Brazilian Jiu Jitsu started to make sense.  Seriously.  All I have to do is keep my elbows near my man tits.

More importantly, I now know that if I ever approach the look of a pterodactyl, arms extended and flapping, I’m about to stumble into the land of pain and discontent.  From now on, all Jiu Jitsu lessons must be taught in terms of extinct animals.  It just helps my brain.

“Bridging” must now be referred to as “the saber tooth tiger mating thrust.”  Get it?  See how much easier that is to remember?

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑