You say “North-South” and people immediately think about the Civil war, slavery, the underground railroad, etc.  In Jiu Jitsu, North-South means you’ve landed yourself in a ridiculously untenable position, and you must now perform super-human madness to ex filtrate the sweaty crotch funk of your opponent.  It looks like this:

Now, assuming you don’t desire to stay in proximity to the bizalls of your new friend (I really shouldn’t assume), you have to push up on their hips, swing your legs like a pendulum, and do some acrobatic flip-around break dancing type shit.  Guess who was not graceful enough to do it?  Yep. Extra crotch funk for me.  YAY!

In other news, my instructor, Mr. Carlos, is a smelly pirate hooker for making me do lunges down the length of the mat.  Now, every time I try to bend down to pick something up, my left leg starts shaking uncontrollably.  It’s really cute.  I dropped my debit card at Panera and the cashier thought I was having a seizure.  Fun!

Also, I got choked so hard that my throat actually hurts now….so that’s awesome.  Believe it or not, I can’t wait for Thursday!