So, one thing about having a blog is that I get to be transparent about some tough topics.  One of those topics is depression.  It’s no secret that I have it, have dealt with it for years.  My depression is subsequent to the onset of PTSD.  The two are connected.  They can’t be separated.  Depression is much more than just feeling worthless and down (which I frequently do).  It physically hurts.  It knocks the wind out of you.  It effects relationship.  People tend to give lip service to “understanding” but usually don’t have the slightest idea. The issue has nothing to do with the richness of my life, the quality of my relationships, etc.  It just exists.

How does that effect my weight loss goals?  Unfortunately more than I would like.  For instance, I haven’t been able to go to the gym in 6 days.  Not “I don’t want to go.”  Not “I’d rather not go.”  I can’t.  There are moments when I barely function as a father, much less as a normal, productive person.  Eating correctly?  Not a chance.  On the best day, dieting requires discipline and motivation.  When I’m down, I have very little intellectual energy to devote to any portion of the before mentioned tasks.

I know nobody gets it.  People will think I’m just whining.  The macho culture of American dudes will ridicule me.  People will avoid me because being around me will drag them down.  People will suggest pop cures and this-is-what-I-do remedies.  My dedication to achieving results will be questioned.  At the end of the day, none of them has to actually be me, so the arguments are more or less invalid.

Maybe somebody can relate, and maybe I’m just whining.  Who knows?  If it helps somebody else realize they aren’t the only person in the world with their own personal rain cloud, then I guess that’s a win.

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