Fat Guy BJJ Blog

The slightly sarcastic, nominally entertaining Brazilian Jiu Jitsu adventures of a 30-something Dad


June 2012

Day 62: Workout Partner Needed

Man, I need somebody to work out with.  I live in Orange park.  I go to Planet Fitness.  Somebody help a brother out.

In other news, I’ve learned something about myself.  I will slave to the point of nearly passing out from cardiovascular exertion in the context of a martial arts class with a smile on my face.  However, I’d rather take a kick in the pills than get on a tread mill.  That’s strange, but I guess everything in life is a matter of perspective.  I’d just rather sweat with a purpose I guess.

So, I need to get my ass in gear to lose some more weight.  I’ve been screwing around for like three weeks now.  Somebody please come drag me out of complacency….


Day 54: Legs and Gremlins

So I did legs.  If you didn’t know, I have gremlins assigned to me personally whose job it is to attack me whilst I attempt to do a leg workout.  One gremlin, I call him Shaky, tends to cause my left leg to shake like an epileptic any time I attempt to do seated quad extensions.  Some dude saw me shaking as was all like, “man, are you ok?”  I was all like “It’s just the gremlins” and kept walking.  He steered well clear of me the remainder of the day.

Another gremlin, this one is called Poopy, has only one job: to make me have to take a dump the whole time I’m doing squats.  I don’t know what it is, but as soon as I heft that weight up on my shoulders I feel like I’m going to blow an O ring.  The only possible explanation is a gremlin poking me in the butt hole.

And, last but not least, my favorite gremlin….Grumpy.  Grumpy’s job is to whisper in my ear the whole time I’m pumping massive life-changing iron and say crap like “It’s ok if you stop this set early.  Nobody will know.” Or, “You don’t really need to do calves.  You’ve done enough already.”  Or, “This is stupid.  You’re never going to look like these other people.”

STFU already.

Gremlins.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  On the OTHER front (I’m talking about my diet now) I have made some progress.  I pre cooked a bunch of meat and green veggies so all I have to do is scoop it out and microwave it and chow down every three hours or so.

I hate being fat.


Day 51: A Partial List of Things I’d Rather Do Than Go To The Gym

Let’s see:

Frontal lobotomy, medieval torture, listen to an Obama speech, listen to a Romney speech, watch Jersey Shore, get a three hour MRI, be anally probed by aliens, eat tofu, take a twelve hour car ride with my kids, watch reruns of Little House on the Prairie.  You get the point right?

But alas, the one thing I must do today is go to the gym.  Motivation, where hast thou gone?

I ate at Panera for lunch.  I had a cup of broccoli cheddar soup and half a ham and swiss on Rye sammich.  So, that’s not exactly pigging out, but it’s not exactly clean either.  A step in the right direction, I think.  Some lady was eyeballing me the whole time.  She was like 85 years old and chewing very, very slowly while staring at me.  She had a half leaf of lettuce sticking out of the corner of her mouth, and with the weird skin hanging off of her neck, she kinda looked like a turtle from the shoulders up.  WTF is wrong with people?

I did manage to resist the urge to go all Juan Verde on her  (Juan Verde is my alter ego.  He’s quite unpredictable).  Now, I need to eat a freaking mini meal.  If I don’t I’ll pig out when dinner comes.  Seriously.  But if I do, I might be able to swing a chicken breast or something.


Day 50: Who the F is This Guy?

me in kyrgyzstan circa 2002

Day 49: Struggling Over

I technically should start over since I haven’t been to the gym in twelve days and I haven’t eaten a clean meal in a week.  But I’m not going to.  Why?  Because, dammit.  I don’t want to start over.  I just want to get back on the freaking horse and keep it moving.  I just want to find the motivation, from wherever it might come, to go to the gym and eat right.  I want to so bad.

So, I’m claiming that my struggles are at an end.  I’m just going to assume that I’m going to wake up tomorrow and be motivated about eating right and working out, and that I’m going to get back that fire I had a few weeks ago about losing weight.  Because, and there’s really no getting around this, if I don’t turn the tide right now I’ll probably fall off a cliff and regain all the weight I lost (and then some) and it will be another five years before I have the heart to try again.

So, that’s it.  Tomorrow it’s on.

Day 43: I’m Struggling

So, one thing about having a blog is that I get to be transparent about some tough topics.  One of those topics is depression.  It’s no secret that I have it, have dealt with it for years.  My depression is subsequent to the onset of PTSD.  The two are connected.  They can’t be separated.  Depression is much more than just feeling worthless and down (which I frequently do).  It physically hurts.  It knocks the wind out of you.  It effects relationship.  People tend to give lip service to “understanding” but usually don’t have the slightest idea. The issue has nothing to do with the richness of my life, the quality of my relationships, etc.  It just exists.

How does that effect my weight loss goals?  Unfortunately more than I would like.  For instance, I haven’t been able to go to the gym in 6 days.  Not “I don’t want to go.”  Not “I’d rather not go.”  I can’t.  There are moments when I barely function as a father, much less as a normal, productive person.  Eating correctly?  Not a chance.  On the best day, dieting requires discipline and motivation.  When I’m down, I have very little intellectual energy to devote to any portion of the before mentioned tasks.

I know nobody gets it.  People will think I’m just whining.  The macho culture of American dudes will ridicule me.  People will avoid me because being around me will drag them down.  People will suggest pop cures and this-is-what-I-do remedies.  My dedication to achieving results will be questioned.  At the end of the day, none of them has to actually be me, so the arguments are more or less invalid.

Maybe somebody can relate, and maybe I’m just whining.  Who knows?  If it helps somebody else realize they aren’t the only person in the world with their own personal rain cloud, then I guess that’s a win.

Day 41: 7 lbs in 7 days revisited

So basically I’ve done an awful job eating clean this weekend.  It’s been a horror story, to be honest.  I drank basically an entire bottle of Sailor Jerry by myself…with some small help from a friend…that stuff is full calorie to say the least, not to mention the fact that I mixed it with Coca Cola (not diet).  Anyhoo.  I probably gained back a bunch of weight.  Let’s see…..yep.  Back to 328.  No bueno.

So, alas, I need to hit it again on the 7 lbs in 7 days diet.  My target goal for next Monday will be 321 lbs.  In order to achieve this, I’m going to be eating lots of grilled chicken, protein shakes, green veggies…and exercising like a foo.

I haven’t been getting much sleep, which I understand effects weight loss, so when I get hungry at the end of the day this week I’m going to take that as my sign to go to sleep.  Maybe I can actually get some rest.  Also, I’m swearing off any drink that isn’t water for the next 7 days.

Why the renewed motivation?  I had a midnight trip to the beach yesterday and actually took my shirt off.  After about five minutes, the NOAA showed up to investigate reports of a beached whale.  Once they realized it was just me they begged me to go back on the 7 lbs in 7 days diet.  Since I hate eliciting false responses from obscure government agencies, I reluctantly agreed.

Fun Friday

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