So, I haven’t been to the gym in 6 days, but not because I’ve fallen off the wagon.  I went away to Miami for a training class in Modular Blade Technique (Knife Fighting).  While I was there, I managed to not gain any weight (which is a small miracle considering the availability of yummy, high calorie food in Miami), but neither did I lose any weight.  In fact, I weight exactly the same, to the ounce, as I did when I left.  Basically, I ate like crap, but the course kept me moving enough to burn off the calories, so I have neutral weight loss.  I burned all of the calories that I ate, but nothing more.

You know what else Miami has besides yummy food?  Mirrors.  Lots and lots of mirrors.  Every restaurant has a mirror.  Every bathroom has multiple mirrors.  Every window to every shop is tinted in such as way that it looks like a mirror.  The dojo where our training course was held was a hall of mirrors.  As it turns out, the really fit martial arts guys with loads of sinewy muscles popping out through their little martial arts costumes love mirrors.  Me, not so much.  There’s nothing like being reminded that you’re a fat tubba lard no matter what direction you turn.  It was so irritating that I almost decided to sneak back in during lunch and vandalize them.  Then I’d be all like, “Damn.  What happened to those mirrors?  What a shame!”  Score one for the fat guy.  In the end I just picked a body part that doesn’t look fat to focus on.  Like “Hey, I have some great looking ears,” or “Wow, my legs are much less fat than everything else.”  You know.

Oh, one other thing I picked up in Miami: an upper respiratory infection.  I am really congested and can barely breathe, so going to the gym would really suck right now.  That means, of course, that I have to eat much much less if I want to lose any weight this week.  Alas, I’ve given up my Chic-Fil-A breakfast.  It’s a sad, sad day America.  Funeral services for the Chic-Fil-A biscuit will be held on Sunday. In the mean time, here is some Chic-Fil-A Haiku:

Ode to Chic-Fil-A

Your poultry goodness is lost

my taste buds mourn you