I used to read fitness and weight loss blogs because they were pithy, interesting, and helped me to not feel as if I were the only fat, ridiculous loser on the planet who still struggled with his weight.  It wasn’t about anything except communicating and being entertaining.  Now, as I browse some of those same blogs, I notice that everybody has a link to their “latest book.”  WTF?

Now, I realize that anybody can be “self-published” in this day and age, but surely not everyone is going that route.  It looks like people are actually getting paid to write about losing weight.  This bothers me on two levels:  First, I was obviously not paying attention while this entire shift in the universe was taking place.  It probably had something to do with a bag of Doritos and a pizza from Papa John’s.  That could more or less cause me to drop off the grid.  Second, it means that the market is already saturated with pithy books by wise ass fat people.  Unfortunately, that means I’m going to have to modify my five year plan to get on the Oprah book club and make a bazillion dollars.  Crap.

Well, I’ve still got my looks.  And my devilish charm.

*He takes a stick of celery and rubs it gently on his nipple.