fat guy with little head
This is not me, but appears to be an equally ridiculous looking specimen of Hershey's Kissness.

I’ve noticed that when I start losing weight, it always comes off of my head, neck, shoulders, and upper arms first.  While it’s great to have progress of any sort, and I’m grateful, the short term effect is actually the opposite of making me look skinny.   I call it “The Hershey’s Kiss Effect,” mostly because I’m roughly the same shape as a hershey’s kiss.

Seriously, I look like a mashup of David Spade’s head with Chris Farley’s body.

In other news, I nearly had to drop kick a bitch off the maniac machine next to me yesterday evening at the gym.  Girl came in, eyed the line of forty something empty elliptical machines, and jumped on the one directly next to me.  She was fat, but I played it cool.  I smiled politely and attempted to hide my disgust at her lack of gym etiquette until she started chugging away at 7 rpm on the elliptical and the overwhelming scent of body odor and cheap beer wafted into my personal space.

I guess she thought we were kindred spirits because I’m also fat.  Nah bitch, I bathe regularly.

Anyway, I jumped off my elliptical trainer lickity split and made my way to the opposite end of the line of forty machines, which irritated the crap out of me because now I had to do the math in my head to figure out how many minutes I’ve been chugging away at the slave galley.  Let’s see…I did 13 minutes and 12 seconds on the first machine….and now I’ve done eighteen more minutes….so that makes…….$@!&

I hate math.

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