So, it’s November. You’ve been wondering why I haven’t written in five days. Well, the answer should be obvious. I’m a retail manager by trade, and the madness has officially begun. I’ve been chained to the stockroom of my local big box retailer with a chain that extends almost to my car, but not quite. I won’t be leaving until New Years day. It started in late October when we set the Christmas display (Yes, Christmas). It will continue to compound until the day after Thanksgiving, called Black Friday in the industry (nothing like a little souless capitalism to wash down your turkey dinner), when I will get my best exercise all month. It’ll probably consist of chasing shoplifters who are trying to get out the door with one of my Plasma Screen TVs (On sale for a limited time). Nothing a little row boat wedgie in the parking l0t won’t fix. I figure I have to make examples of somebody. Anyway.
Missions training is going awesome. I practiced walking seven miles while balancing a water pot on my head yesterday. It went well, except for the headache. My limp also caused me to slosh water down the back of my pants, but I guess that’s to be expected. I even managed to recite scripture while avoiding moving vehicles. I walked down the wrong side of the road towards oncoming traffic because that’s how they roll in Africa.
My eating habits have been slipping, so I begged my lovely wife to kick me in the abdomen until I vomited. It was great fun, but I’ve found that you have to carry a pack of gum in your pocket to deal with the funk breath. Seriously, eating disorders are bad, m’kay? This morning, at six am, while staring at a large pallet of toys that needed to be stocked, I actually thought about how nice it might be to get on the maniac machine of death and enjoy some elliptical madness. How messed up is that?