There’s nothing like a truly heinous injury to supplement your workout routine. Long story short, I goofed up my ankle and shoulder while in Iraq long ago. Now, for whatever reason, I randomly fall down during extremely stressful activities such as walking, squatting, or emerging from my man-mobile (Toyota Solara). It was yesterday, after a mid-day munch session, that I suffered the most recent chapter in what has become a slightly embarrassing saga of mid-life patheticness.
I was returning to work, large sweet tea in hand, when my ankle suddenly and without warning gave out. I plummeted to the earth like an unshapely chunk of space debris and landed squarely on my face. I did, however, manage to keep the sweat tea in tact, lid and all (priorities, people!). It was so ungraceful that a bystander approached me and said, “Dude, I thought you died in mid step or something.” Apparently I’m so resigned to the repetitive nature of the injury that I no longer even attempt to catch myself when falling. I do remember thinking in the two seconds between when my ankle gave out and my face hit the ground something to the effect of, “This will make a great blog.” That’s just not normal.
Of course, I attempted to spring back up quickly before anybody noticed that I was rolling around like a poodle in the dryer, hoping against hope that the ankle had “reset” itself in the time it took me to recover my senses, but alas, it was not to be. I found myself again crashing down to the earth, now looking a bit more like Bambi with a load of buckshot in his hind quarters than a thirty-something fat guy with an ankle problem. By this time, I had become a zoo exhibit. Mini vans full of bad children were driving slowly by throwing peanuts, and mothers could be heard exclaiming, “wow, look at the fat guy kids.” I can already hear the dinner conversation: “Eat your veggies, or you’ll end up rolling in the parking lot at Kmart.” It’s nice to know I impacted society today.
And, to the UNF Physical Therapy class of 2010, perhaps a group project is in order to analyze my inability to walk?